I have some things i want to admit....

My car and room are a mess..

I take forever to eat. I am one of the girls that will actually eat at mcdonalds. I love barbecue chips.

I don't care about using public bathrooms.

I take forever to make turns especially left turns but sometimes but sometimes dang it quit honking I don't want to be in an accident!

I lose things a lot and forget stuff often. I am terrible at names.

I am terrible at directions and my gps sometimes frustrates me and i am not proud of the words that come out of my mouth .

I get self-conscious easily and find it hard to connect with people.

I get distracted and find it hard to find time for God.

I get lonely and want someone. I am moody and sometimes don't understand why

I overthink things way too much.

I hate it when people say things like give God 100% .

you need to be always happy

I don't feel God gave me peace about it and feeling God's will.

about witnessing to others..


Anyone have any similar thoughts or am I just crazy?

Bad seed

I just watched the movie the bad seed. It was very interesting. It sparked an interesting thought and in the movie the women is asking about criminals if any start young. She was told yes some seem to be just ' born bad' Are people? It seems so with some people. some people seem born nice and some just don't . There are disorders where children can be seriously disturbed and driven to rebel in serious ways. Not coming in after curfew but to commit crimes. While everyone is different gotta keep in mind that technically all of us have a 'bad seed' deep inside. Sin. We are all human and have a tendency to do that. Not that it's a good thing. But just to remember it's not so hard for all of us to fall either.

what loneliness can do

Loneliness. It swallows you up.
Overtakes you, suddenly in you caved
Suddenly you’re falling realizing you’re.
All alone with no hope of being saved.

You hate having a lot of time
Thinking too much drives you insane
You try and keep yourself busy
And keep yourself from the pain

So you try and make plans
To do the absolute best that you can
You makes goals , do this and that but..
Seems like only you don’t have your own clan

With all the things you’re doing to distract
and fill your time can’t help that feel that you..
You’e really only doing these things because …
You’re the reject .and don’t have anything better to do

You decide to take a walk down the road
hoping maybe you can clear your head
It does just the opposite from what you hoped
You end up just wanting to go cry in your bed

you start over thinking things way too much..
Short hellos ,no real connections..still you try
Befriending people but no one seems to care
So much to give but …still alone and you can only cry

All you want is someone
To care to be able to know
Despite you being broken
They would still love you so.

If they saw you at your worst
The meanest version of yourself
Or the one crying out for a need
Not known even in a file in your head’s shelf

Someone who won’t label or judge
if you'e needy clingy or desperate,
weak or that you’re not enough
They won’t judge and as friend won’t quit.

Someone to always be there for you
Through all of life , the good bag and ugly
Though they may not agree with you always
Will stick with you and always your friend be

Hopless

So sad.

All this weight on your shoulders. Having to stay so strong. After life has done it's best with you. Life can be pretty bad. For you I think it is worse. I see a lot of myself in you . Wanting to be independent but finding growing up difficult. You've been through pain. I think you've seen a lot of loneliness.Job loss. Which doesn't help . Stubbornness. Willing to work for what you want, and hard for it. Wanting to be loved. Pain. Stress worry. Anger. A lot of anger. I think the biggest thing is you want to know someone cares. You said it yourself. I've had the similar thoughts. You just want to go back to being a child ..but you can't.

To know someone cares about you. Something you can't quite express...you feel like you are going crazy and not sure you can handle it. You wonder if you started crying would anybody notice? Would anyone care? Everyone is mostly in their own little world just about.. and you're all alone. But where one things end.. I know I am not alone. I told you that.. but was afraid. Said what I could say.I Don't want to make you upset. But I did say with life .. either you'll get through it or you won't . If I get through it... Good! some stuff will be harder but God's gonna help you .. if not then i'll be dead and in heaven.

I hope I didn't offend you. Tried to be there for you listen and did talk about how I don't like it when people are judgmental. You seem so hopeless and sad. you say the only thing makes you happy is work. Such a sweet kind spirit.Wish could have said more.. That you don't need a guy , a job , money , or anything in this world to make you happy. Only God. I am going to do my best to keep in contact with you. The scary thing is , how a lot we ARE alike... how I forget. And I want to keep it in mind more and act like a Christ-follower and reflect those to the hurting.

I don't know exactly where you stand... maybe I am misinterpreting ...maybe you forgot a little bit yourself who you have with you. I hope you're stronger then i thought..but the things you said... I will be praying for you and I don't care if we're both busy I hope to do my best to be a good friend and will reach out more. We both need it. I think you're scared. You put up walls I think with how you've kept me at a distance .. (or is it me) either case want us to get closer. I had a good day.. seemed to end well.. hope it was good for you too. I really have no idea how to help you with talking about God though. Any help guys?

inspired by pretty little liars

Pretty little liars hide secrets they don't want to face,
instead of dealing with it oh why can't they see?
instead of fessing up they lie,not knowing
the lie tangles them more and the truth shall set you free

As ben franklin said "three can keep
a secret if one off them is dead "
no secret should be worth so much
as a life , i don't care what was said

pretty little liars once started always must lie
to cover up what they've done they have to hide
Fighting constantly to keep it,they're always afraid
that secrets will get out, in end they're the person that's dead

pretty little liars are miserable behind their masks
i think what they want in most cases
is someone to love them in spite of themselves
they're really looking for love in all the wrong places

I of course have the same reaction
to wish to hide my flaws and any bad mistake
but I want people to know the real me
I myself choose not to be fake.

I struggle with stuff a lot things like..
judging others ,laziness ,and being selfish.
Worry,patience ,and anger also..Just to name a few!
So am I admitting I am not perfect? Absolutely yes!

Don't forget people are people, they make mistakes
and do things they shouldn't, though we wonder why ?
they might have been through a lot more then we know
They might be like me and just doing best they can to get by..

whatever it takes

There is so much you want in life
To work a good job so you can save money
To be independent and take care of yourself but.
now; luck time, book and street smarts is usually the key

School is so important to us all, so necessary
knowledge is power something that's true i guess
but it's so expensive and a lot of work, in the end
for something so mandatory it is hard to access

Friends are there during the tough times
But are tough. disagreements,distance,change
So many things can strain a friendship yet without it..
we become lonely instantly even in crowded room it is strange

How far are you willing to go?
We all want these things and more
They all need things for them to grow
it's a circle, so hard to break out of ..it's a war

Some people will do anything
For one or two items on the list
use up all our time and energy that..
the other things we want we may miss

While those things are good for our life
don't let it consume you more then it should
Remember to do best to keep in first place the one who came
They did whatever it took for you ,and try and do something good.

unclean unclean

How could the people take it?
They didn't ask for it to happen
then bam they're all alone
they're treated guilty as sin

They could have had the potential
l to be great people , world changers
But they are nothing , outsiders and outcast
for emotional or physical needs mostly no cures

Or even if they lived a small life
many wouldn't have objected
compared to being only a label
Unclean ! To all others you're dead

Think about it others treated them as..
worthless, lowest of low, rejected ,godforsaken
away from family and friends most likely forever
away from everybody..it's a game they can't win

But then everything changed , someone broke the norm
a simple carpenter later who turned out to be so much more
He loved them , He touched him and healed lepers and sick
The king of kings helped them their needs He didn't ignore

What if we listened to Jesus
when He said "Remain in my love"
even to those who are ' unclean I think..
we in turn will be blessed , from them and from above