Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Closeness...

I think we're all scared. We don't want to admit it but we are,especially me. We're really scared. 

Of what you might ask? We're scared of rejection. Don't just up and leave because I said that. I'm not going to give some crazy sermon about how you don't need to worry about that because if you just read this book or do this or that that you'll have perfect friends like that, The End. That's not it. Some people might not really care what people think,and at times I wish I could be more like that . But I'm who God made me. I think it's cool for people who can always put themselves out there, and make people laugh and break the ice. The ones who everyone seems to like them and it doesn't look like anyone would reject them.. But what about the rest of us? 

The ones who sharpie their shoes .. ( guilty) , who really do care what people think ,and are very easily embarrassed and deal with rejection like all of us?Or who like me get nervous something as simple as asking a friend to hang out because you worry if they'll say no (again) they're busy or that they'll say yes and it'll be awkward. I've had that a lot.There has to be something for the rest of us .. who well maybe don't feel very close to their friends, and want to open up and become closer.. But they're scared. Or maybe you need friends maybe you've been hurt before. Maybe you need new ones because you've grown apart..Honestly with someone I was very sad to have leave and change it affected me a lot but the thing was.. I wasn't as close to her anymore and when we were it was mostly the fact that we've both faced rejection. I feel awkward a LOT. 

They say write what you know right? Well as some of you know... this is something I know about. A lot. I still deal with this. I've gone from a few ' best friends ' and we've eventually just grown apart. So for the friend department I wasn't doing so hot. And now my best friend of about 3 years is great and I love her , even all the way to rainy Washington state on the complete opposite side of the country basically.I've had many a lonely weekend. And it hurts when plans don't work out.

I've felt before it  would just be easier to just kinda give up on people before but on the asking to hang out a lot. But I didn't . You know why? I think a lot of things in this life we get mixed up. I think you need to do things you may feel are wrong. Like be yourself.  Be a little random and don't be so self conscious or take yourself too seriously, everyone sounds dumb sometimes honestly. A quote I like    " Don't take life too seriously no one gets out alive anyways."  

Honestly I'm trying to remember times where people got tongue tied and I can't remember a lot .. though it is me .. :-P Just try talking to people . A little small talk is OK but see if you can expand on it more. Get to know people , all people.You don't have to be limited. Do nice things for them. Jesus wants us to be nice to everyone. It's hard I know. ( Within reason I mean I'm not saying to force an old lady across a street you don't know or to put yourself in a dangerous situation but to have less of a filter I guess you could say.) 

A big part of it is knowing that you ARE going to get rejected sometimes.Welcome to life. But that may not necessarily mean they don't like you if they can't hang out. Keep trying. Try other friends. Still unfortunately not everyone will like you. But you know what? It's not going to be very much fun hardly having anyone you can talk to is it? People you can relate too who can give you feedback or just be a soundboard. Think about it. I think it's worth the risk. You have to take it. Also at least you won't have to wonder what if you had said yes and could have had a great time and gotten closer. 

And this wouldn't be complete without of course you've been more then accepted by someone who can be the best friend you'll ever have, Jesus of course. He will always listen to you , always forgive you , will never leave you, he's just not ' being nice' by all those things , He loves you so much! I think it's helped me handle rejection.. oh it still hurts but you can get over it with a bit of time. 

Unfortunately I don't have maybe the answer some of you were looking for, to the  friend whose friends aren't good friends. I can't answer that what I have to say is pray , try and talk to them and try and talk them maybe it's a miscommunication I hope that's the case but other than that all I have to say is you are very special and you deserve to be treated better then that .

 I felt it was kinda strange that I'm mostly talking about rejection when I thought about writing about closeness, but you'll have some of the 1st I think with people before you get too the 2nd (and you've got God always no matter what don't forget that) Also to help find true people you can be close to you do I think have to be yourself and maybe break out of your shell a little. And I'm still in this so I don't know if all this is right and I'm not saying this is all perfect because chances are pretty good it's not. 




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