why and what if?

Why and what if ?

Why do I have such trouble connecting with people?
Why am I always think people have false intentions
That they only don't have anything better to do, so that's why they're talking to me?
always feeling people are fake when we're joking around or talk about how they care?
why do I hear important people say they miss me but sometimes I don't miss them?
Why do I just push back the pain?What will I do when I can't push it away anymore like before?
Why is past pain so overwhelming at times and how does it go away?

Why do I know God will take care of stuff but still I worry all the time?
Why can I not talk about the past with one of the people that it matters most?
Why am I so self-conscious with some old friends but can chit chat with strangers and parents?
What if it doesn't work out? What if it does?
Why do I make her feel bad when I know she didn't mean to hurt me and she missed me ,
and she did it for a good reason?

Why is it i want so much for other people who aren't usually, to feel accepted but when I get around them unless they're my close friends i feel awkward?
How can I let help those people who needs God's love when they aren't on the best terms with him, or the ones i'm not sure where they stand ?
Why am I one of the most ungraceful people ever?
Why did I let my fear rule ? Why did I play it safe?
Why do constantly think of what others will think?

Why can't I drive like a normal person?
Why am I so fickle?
Why do I start to like , so quickly? then all i can do is try and beat down hope but it doesn't work and i eventually find out they don't like me and usually liked someone else?
What do I look like to others?
Does the shortness bother anybody?
Why do I let that get ahold of me?
Why until now did i ALWAYS had poems that had to rhyme?

Why am i sometimes scared to open up but other times I do it way too fast?
Why do I go to bed 2 am or later?
Why do I stay up that late and then not always but sometimes then just fall asleep and miss devos but i'm willing to be on here late ?
Why is some stuff so hard for me? why do I freak out and become useless just about in a panic wondering what do i do about little things?

Why do I ask questions i know the answer too and ask questions no one can answer anyways..?
Why do I write prayers for people and I get nothing in return?
Why do I get hurt so easily?
Why do I doubt God sometimes?
Why do I miss things that I didn't feel so close too?
Why do I feel as if there's something wrong with me?
Why am I writing this? I sound pathetic